If you can move over the song
That said it feels like heaven with me
May be love is nothing but an illusion
May be we as humans surrender
Only to what’s important
And to the convenience of what we need
If a term like ‘break up’ exists
It can only mean
There is love
But no true love
It is as situational as sleep
And as instinctive as hunger
If change is the only constant
I doubt there was ever an eternal love
No matter how much I want to believe
My love is longer than my life..
And your heart will belong to me forever
I know it isn’t,
I know the need to survive
Is may be greater than all
And love, as natural as it is
As beautiful as it is
Is more of an adornation
A rhetorical metaphor
You fall in love someday,
And someone else a few years later
What is love if it cannot be fought for ?
If it’s not selfishness,
And the helplessness to survive,
That inspires companionship..
What exactly is ?
Is love actually a nature’s trick ?
It’s a timeless question a lover asks,
When being abandoned
What about all the promises you made ?
What about the moments we spent together and thought we’ll be together forever..
God forbid those vows be broken,
But if they can be,
Whether easily or in agony
Pardon do I ask,
But I doubt on the existence of love
If it thus be broken so easily
In the presence of fear
Or a blissful empathy
I refuse to believe that love exists..
If life be this complicated
And love comes so easy
Rebukes on the existence of it,
Rebukes on the irony of it..
—If an argument be,
It’s real we all can feel it.
Universal in its nature,
No one can deny it exists.
Then I might be forced to think
If we have bent love too as a concept that suits only it’s exploitation ?
Exactly what we did to all other things..—
While using everything to our advantage,
When the greed exceeds the need
I guess, the quality of everything deteriorates
And love in this case
Might be the culprit, might be the victim too..
And again as we can only question It’s existence
Like we do of God..
I guess like in tough times,
She is the only one we remember.
Even if don’t believe in it..
So we remember love,
When we are in the most need of it..
But no matter how much you are..
In anger or in agony,
And question the existence of love
Or life or the truthfulness of the person in question,
For a brief amount of time,
When you remember their name and your heart skips a beat..
No matter how much you deny,
That was love in all it’s might
You were in love inspite of all the fright
And that was all you knew love to be..
Time passes, life grows old..
You will someday run out of time..
But never of love..
And that’s what will support,
All the fallacies you refuse to believe in
Denial or acceptance
Belief or refusal..
You surrender..
And like the rain
Quenches the fiery fire,
Your questions are only the fumes that arise..
Helpless you kneal down,
Clueless you sit
And stare at it raining
May be you’ll never know if it exists or not
But you wonder..
You can only wonder…
That may be Love is not what ceases to exist,
It’s your belief that does..
And no matter how much you question
That was all you knew love to be…
Category: Love
With or without you..
Often the people who love fiercely function between the all and the nothings. Either they are too scared to step out the super high walls they’ve built around themselves or they look at you destroy their entire castle and still have love in their eyes.
No doubt the two situations converge but somewhere in the parallel. We don’t yet know what ‘nothing’ & ‘nothing’ are called when combined together and ‘all’ & ‘all’ are too fierce to exist in one single dimension called reality.
Rewind the frame and there were two people, their ‘all’ did converge at a point. Even so, for them, that short time together was a lifetime. It used to be cold, it used to be dark but who cares if they are amidst something so rare.
How difficult it is to wait for something to happen, without any certainty if it actually would. But she did, and who knew he would too and that it was not her but him who drove all the momentum through.
They crossed paths, he looked at her, she didn’t notice. They exchanged glances, he couldn’t blink, she moved on. One lovely evening, when she was admiring the sea, brushing through her hair, he looked at her and couldn’t stop looking at her. This time, she noticed..but before she could think about anything, he disappeared. Many such evenings passed, she would wait at the shore, he would come to the surface look at her and dive back. Something stopped him from moving towards her. She stopped herself , the shore was her limit, though she wanted to move ahead, she was helpless.
By now, they had obviously fallen in love. Does love always require an expression, does love really needs to be told to be felt, well..I don’t think such is the case. But the questions that surround your affection, eventually push you towards expression. Because you want to know, what they feel, what they think and hence you ask yourself the final question – would anything change even if they didn’t ? Certainly not ! Then it’s not a waste to be waiting..days..weeks..forever ? And finally her patience paid off.
He showed up on the shore, however said nothing. Everyday they would meet at the shore, she would giggle and he would smile..in a moreover deserted world, they were always there for each other. When they were together it was not always beautiful but peaceful, nonetheless like the rest of the world had just disappeared.
She wanted to but never said anything, stepping into that territory, she was afraid, it would break her again. Little did she know, he too was, broken..already and rather too afraid to risk ‘her’ love in vain.
How strange, isn’t it ? The shallower the love is, you don’t even give it a second thought and the more it deepens, ‘fear’ is all you are surrounded with.
They were well aware of their differences but so down in love they never wanted to open eyes and look at what was about to be standing in front of them soon. But, who cares about promises when you are in the making of it. Time does not pass in minutes but moments when you are with your special someone in solace.
She wondered if someday, she could hold his hand and introduce him to the flowers she loved, show him the warmth her land used to hold. She wanted to give him all of the love and warmth of the world, often afraid if he would be able to bear it. She knew his strength lied in the waters, the land would weaken him..
I wonder how she never noticed, his feet on the ridge, appearing out of darkness just to meet her. He wished so bad but could not invite her, he knew she wouldn’t be able to survive within. But what is to happen, happens. That day, she moved forward like she has gathered all the strength she had, she walked and walked till the edge. To meet him ? To see him ? and oh she fell down ! Was she really so naive ? I still wonder if it happened to be a fall or she chose to drown herself, so that with him she could be.
And then it happened, the convergence. She fell down and he found her. That’s when they were actually together, for the first time. United in the deep dark sea. Cold it was, so much more than a creature fragile like her can take. But it was her choice, wasn’t it ? She didn’t belong here. He knew that, so did she. She wouldn’t care but he will have to help her leave. How he wished he could keep her with himself, all his life but you don’t destroy the things you love, right ? For as long as she lives and she smiles, how does it matter how many miles ?
He held her hand, led her up and she would look at him, resisting to leave, questions in her eyes but he said nothing. Naive as she was, again to believe that he was leaving to be with her..in the lands or maybe find a new world together. Happier that she would be in the light again, with him on the bright sparkling sand. She would smile and pull him towards herself. But that’s not how it was meant to be.
Almost there, on the edge they were. A new life, a forever awaits, there it was the only moment she waited for. They held hands, bent ahead, he pushed her forward and fell down. She turned back and couldn’t believe what just happened. Taking silence for answers, was her punishment.
She kept bending over and calling his name, with tears in his eyes he sank deeper. He didn’t answer he disappeared again.
Alone in the warmth she stared at the sea. The sun was shining bright, the flowers were blooming high but it felt colder than it was there inside. She was finally there where she belonged, but somehow it didn’t feel right. While she waited at the edge everyday, with no other consideration in her mind. But her world had no value without him anymore but she was not made to survive in that world either.
Little did she know, he kept waiting in the depths with his horrid dark fears all night long. He would look at the sky and wonder why they couldn’t be together in one land. She stared at the ridge, trembling . Was she naive or she had just tasted betrayal ? She stood no chance to doubt her love. The heart that brought her all the warmth , was what she left behind in the waters with him. Nothing seemed fancy, nothing beautiful, nothing felt warm, nothing she could ever believe in.
Heartbroken she sat at the edge of the water, used to call his name but he wouldn’t appear..and the days moved ahead. Everything in daylight seemed futile.
And what about him ? Trust me, he was used to the cold, the darkness inside but now he used to miss her more in his plight, after all he had found the meaning of his life. But he was scared, scared of the same sunshine. What if he couldn’t survive the overwhelming heat that co-exists but how would he live without her light ? But what if he gave away his deep waters for the glowing light and could not find her in the dry.
What if he was left alone in the broad daylight, it would keep burning him. Everything except his girl in that world was brittle and fiery. But living without her burns more in the water so cold. Was she all that he has ever loved. But how could have he stepped out ?
The sun was on the horizon, the wind blowing fast. It was intense. The heat of the wind carried by the cold wave. She had already waited for so long, she could not spare anymore time, she thought to herself. she closed her eyes and dived, deep into the water. She slipped, she kept on falling down, couldn’t help just drown..
While he left to find her in the world where she belongs, to conquer all his fears and finally be with her. Now, that he knew she was all he has ever wanted and will ever want. She fell down and set her gravest fears aside, he stepped out to face the mighty heat.
He closed his eyes and gave up his life. She closed her eyes and set herself free. She fell down and so did he, He never came back and she is still under the deep dark sea..
Carnations

I would often be amazed at her love for flowers. Several of my friends would often refuse flowers because they thought it’s not fair as they had to die however. “So do we, isn’t it ?” she used to say “does that make life any less beautiful ?”
‘Unconventional’ I would call her. For her ideas and the way she lived her life.
“Hey, which one of these would you call your favourite?” looking at the thousands of flowers in the nursery, I asked.
“Carnations.”
“Why though…?” I could only wonder looking at the dullness of it compared to the light in her eyes. Why would she choose these over all the colourful and fragrant ones out there. But they were very simple and elegant in their appearance. Not convincing enough, I thought to myself.
But was that really the way she would think about it while she felt she loved it ?
It was time she would answer his question. “ Something that adds to the beauty of both the beholder and the companion, a simplicity that outshines the colours and above all the stubbornness to stay, not perish while all the beautiful ones would already have. All of us need something like this in our life, don’t we?”
How I wished I could tell her that I was here to stay, before it was too late. Stubborn? Yes, she too was. She fought it, but she could not win.
With a bunch of carnations in my hand, now when I stand in front of where she now resides, I could only think of what she used to tell me whenever we were around flowers.
“Had you known you were going to live forever there had been no beauty in life, you know it’s gonna end someday, so you live..you celebrate. It could not have been otherwise. Anything that is beautiful is often short lived Aaron and that is what is so beautiful about it.”
Had I known she is not gonna be with me even a year, let alone forever, had I not held her and squeezed her and had my eternity embraced in my arms just for a few more minutes. I imagine her holding the same flowers walking down the aisle while I would wait for her with a ring in my hand. That was my forever, and I missed it, even if not for me she deserved it.
But late, as I always was. Short-lived, what my love story was. But isn’t everything that is beautiful has always been.