It’s a lonely lonely way
To come back to your senses
And see everything for what it is
No sugarcoat
Not one world of delusion
Or even dreams for that matter
Everything clear as a crystal
I cannot decide
What breaks my heart more
To know the truth
Or to know that perhaps
The lies were better
The world I had created in my head was better
It is a welcome feeling
To come back to myself
To who I was and am
In it’s complete glory
But to see
What’s in front of me
And behind me
While I walk
Alone in the hallway
All but none
There but some
None in your pain
All in your joy
A hint of pain
And all of them disappear
They use you
Walk all over you
Pretend to care
Or care to pretend?
Was this actually the fate all along
To feel so empty in bondings
That you find a mate
And settle down
For the life’s suffering will weigh you down
Far too low
Put that fence
On someone’s neck
Rejoice and die in each other’s company
Cz no one else is too be seen
Category: peace
The fall
Pain of that fall still stings
I complain
Complain to myself everyday
You could have been someone
Why are you a nobody ?
Where’s the dream
The little you saw
Where’s the castle
You build with a straw
Where’s the courage that could shake the world
Where are you
I fail to find
Where’s your sword
Where’s your armour
Why do you sit there in the corner
Refusing to see eye to eye
With what have you lost
Why don’t you respect yourself
After all the wars you have fought
Why don’t you count them as a war
Why do you run behind
The one battle you couldn’t win
And might fight someday
Once you regain your strength?
Isn’t a wounded soldier allowed some rest ?
May be the bird will fly again
She has just taken a fall
And might star trying again
But hasn’t she just found peace
She has just found her breath
Let’s wait till we find her pulse
And push her to fly again ?
Tumhaara, mai
Dikh jaati ho agar
To bas dekh leta hun tumhe
Aankhon me apni
Samet leta hun tumhe
Waqt ki berukhi to humne bhi Jani hai
Isse pehle ki beet jaaye ye
Ahiste bas thaam leta hun tumhe
Jo lafz agar wajood kho baithein
Khamosh tumhari aankhon ko dekh kar
Har dard bas samajh leta hun mai
Bikhar jao tum toot kar
Isse pehle samet leta hun tumhe
Chalte chalte aksar thak si jati ho tum
Armaan jo ho bahon me uthane ke bhi tumhe
Muskura kar bas theher jata hun mai
Aahiste bas hath tumhara thaam kar
Aage badh jaata hun mai
Dil chahta hai ki bas qaid kar lun tumhe
Par bebasi tumhari soch kar theher jata hun mai
Naazuk jo ho tum, janta hun sakht bhi itni hi ho
Hausle tumhare dekh rashk-e-fakr ho jata hun mai
Jo hath tumhara thaam kar
Sath chalne ka waada kar chala hun mai
Khushi tumhari, pyaar ye apna
Mukammal kar chala hun mai
Udaan par tumhari mera koi haq to nahi
Isliye sath tumhare bas ud chala hun mai…
( From the Archives – 2017 )
Our demons
Our demons danced together
and it was better than heaven
Life at its best
even if it’s coloured leaden
Couldn’t have asked for anything else
than for me to be my honest self
to sleep in your arms like a baby
to be warrior for the battle that comes next
Better than the things we deliberately create
Nothing compares to the genuine love and the raw hate
For Gods to dance together in heaven is plain
Oh dear, for the demons of two people
to dance together insane
Fire all around, devoured the world sat
no passion can ever be better than that
Toxic, terrible, poisonous they said
Oh baby that’s my holy grail
for whatever it takes
He pushed me through the cliff
I fall down after
only to find him waiting
at the heaven’s alter
Intensity of death in a moment’s conscience
a thousand times over for a death so bright
Choosing you was not my choice,
losing you wasn’t either
Thankful to you I am, now that we end the plight
How did you know
that the color I was hiding was blue
until I suffered from the same pain as you
No matter where we are my fellow demon
I’ll always love you..
Baaki hai
Aata to bht kum hai
Par sab kuch seekh lene ki chahat hai
Pair zameen par hi sahi
Aasman se taare tod lane ki bagawat hai
Ek chhoti si zindagi mukhtasar hai
Mulakat mukummalaat ek hunar se honi baki hai
Jeena agar seekhna hai
To seekhne ki pyaas bht baaki hai
Seekhna agar jeena hai
To Jeene ki aas ab bhi baaki hai
Kuch rang saja lein kabhi
To kuch taar chhed lein idhar
Kabhi Nazar us chaand pe pherein
To kabhi gungharuon me taal jaayein bikhar
Suron ki samjh to nahi
Par kabhi gunguna lein ek taan ek peher
Bas lekhni hi hai
Jo har baar wapas bula leti hai
Ghar ho gayi ho jaise ye
Rangon me doob jaun
Ya jayein ghungroo bikhar
Aana laut kar wapas yahi hai
Is kalam aur kaagaz k tukde k paas
Sang roenge baith kar
Pyaar ka izhaar b yahin kar lenge
Kuch ummedein saja lenge
Kuch khwaab tod lenge
Uthenge fir kisi subah
Rango me doob jaane ko
Kisi khoobsurat taal par thirakne ko
Aur laut kar phir yahin aaenge
Mehsus kiye har jazbaat ko fir yahin sajaenge
Jo bhi seekha, jo b Jana
Kaid fir is kaagaz me kar jaenge
Hum kal rahein na rahein
Ye qaayanaat yahin is kagaz me samete chale jaenge
Ek hissa is zindagi ka
In lafzon me mukammal kiye jaenge
Poems and Algorithms
There’s a rush, there’s a thrill but with a certain stability and a smile, when you do what you love. I’m a writer you see…codes and poems..I write both and these two things get me, the best of me. There are no doubts, nothing illogical..pure logic, pure love. Here’s to my love for code, logic and universe. And on the other side to my love for poems, stories, flowers and literature.
While I Brew a coffee, pick my specs, open my laptop and start to code. The way it challenges me is so fulfilling. The way the entire day is gone and I don’t even realise. The thirst of my brain is somewhat quenched. The rush it was seeking subsides for a little while.
It’s evening now, it’s raining outside, I pick a book, a diary and a pen, it’s nothing like how the day went by. I come across a beautiful poem, Frost you may say..or Shakespeare, or Plath.
An emotion takes over, I’m certainly reminded of something. While I’m soaking in, in my memories..my mind is brewing words and my heart is weaving a story, a poem. And like tears fall on your cheeks, naturally and uncontrollably…I pour down all of it on those crimson pages…and hence a soul is satisfied.
If my poems are pure emotion, coding is pure logic. Two different worlds that complete my being.
I seek and fall in love with challenges and complexities every day. But emotions are what I seek equally everyday. It’s neither possible nor necessary to conquer each emotion or every challenge you face but I think feeling and facing it is what keeps being alive interesting.
Here’s to not getting enough of life, love and logic !
The silence
Tired of the chaos,
staring into the abyss
wanna run away
Somewhere, but where ?
You chase,
Chase the nothingness..
Only to be lost,
Lost in the nowhere
Nothing makes sense
But you can feel your own breath
Into the woods
Under the stars
Wrapped up in solitude..
This silence is beautiful,
This escape is meaningful.
The finer taste of Life 