Category: Uncategorized

Kuch yun mai tum me gum ho jaati hun

Aankhon pe meri tumhaare ye hath
Sath ho agar to kat jaegi ye raat
Tum gungunate rehna geet apne
Mai bas tumhe ek tak dekha karungi
Mai sunati rahun kahaniyan apni
Tum bas yun hi muskurate rehna

Hath mera thaam lo na
Mai chalte chalte kuch thak si jati hun..
Pyaar se bas ek baar mera naam lo na
Ahiste mai bas ‘tum’ ho jati hun
Kuch Yun mai tum me gum ho jaati hun…

Just a song

He was like a good song
That I had heard before
But didn’t pay attention
To play twice
And it came back
Just like that
Heard it playing
At a cafe nearby
Hooked ever since
The highs, the lows
The forever mellows
And then the record breaks
The chords’ out of symphony
I don’t know if I should fix it
Or may be wait
It’s silent all of a sudden
But again,
It was just a song…wasn’t it ?

Surreal

This moment is surreal.
I’am not there,
A few minutes ago, I wasn’t here either..

I’am somewhere else,
Not in the real,
Neither the unreal.

Not in my heart,
Nor in my mind.

I’m here, all alone..
Just with my own self.

In silence,
The one you feel before death,
The one you feel before you know the end is certain.
When you see,
something that resembles life is walking away,
Slowly…swiftly..
Something is leaving you..

I’am not certain but I wonder,
This is how it would feel
When your life leaves your body.
How do you know how much of you is left in you,
If something of you is dead already ?

You don’t know what’s happening..
Never been familiar with this feeling.
All you know is that,
You are comfortable with this silence,
With a part of you abruptly leaving.

You don’t even have the strength to wonder,
Or the audacity to question,
That would you be dead when it’s gone finally
Or were you dead the moment you allowed it to happen..
And even if you could, why would you ?
Dead things demand no fortification.

Oh, you think it’ll be back someday ?
Oh no my dear,
It’s Metamorphosis..
It’s liberation !

A girl of 22

The maths of her life.

12 of basic education
4 of specialisation
2 of being a slave
The rest figuring out
What was your mistake

6 u wake up
9 at your desk
9 you leave
That were 12 hours of your day

2 days of freedom 5 days of torture
7 days of periods, 7 PMS
The rest 15 in preparation of the former

1 year of friendship
1 of relationship
1 of moving on
1 of meeting another

22 years of life
Spent reaching where I’am now
Same is the number multiplied in a k what I get in return
At the End of the month in a row

6 is the count of the years left
For until my life is only mine
2 would be the count
Of the years left to carry the responsibilities assigned

9 for the no. Of absolute forbearance
For the that one thing natural
My shoulders have sworn in accordance
For a purpose divine

20 for existential crisis
40 for mid-life
50 for you realise how much of it is left
60 for waving a goodbye.

I wonder who’ll calculate,
What’s gone and what’s left..
How much of life have I actually lived and how much of it I only did try
Divided in a set of 5+2 9to5 20,30,40..
The only life I’ve got passes by…

Unexplained

A dream that got lost in the fire of your agony.
Your anguish,
And yet my symphony..

You lose and I would lose with you,
For your victory, I would surrender on a lie.
For your love I had lived
For your life I’d die…

In your love, I smiled
With your pain, I’ve bled
For you to be happy, I gave away
That one hope, my only shed..

You said I’am a ‘part’ of you
Even when we’ll be apart..
Tell me on this account,
What should I take you as ?
A warrior or a thief announced

Tell me what should I do
With the traces of yourself
That ‘you’ left in me..
Kill them all or burn alive ?

To all the wounds that demanded
Only a presence, your life
For all the sacrifices that asked for
Only a smile..

I’am not hurt you left
I’am still shook
You betrayed..

I sure wanted you to know
What is it like to live for yourself
But a life at the cost of someone’s death
Is not what I had ever expected from you..

You never failed me,
But I did myself..
Each time you asked if I would quit
I wish I had told you
I could see your betrayal coming…

For once, my dear companion
I wish you had me wrong…
No matter how heavy the reason
You had to leave..
I wish for once
You’d know how it feels to live
For the one you know will quit
For the one you know will never come back…

I wish you’d know what it feels like
To love,
The one who was never yours..
And will never either be…

For a fate you knew is destined
That brings a heart that will never be able to trust again..
Eyes that await nothing,
And a love I could never explain..

Faith

And thus fell every leaf,

In appreciation of her silence

The silence bestowed from her learnings,

Her lessons of pain and grief,

Of sorrow and disbelief

Of distrust and disgrace.

When she came to know

Everything that was hers

Was not hers to be known..

surrounded by the crowd

She would ever be alone

None of the wisdom could take her back

To the naivety she possessed.

Lost is the innocence, lost is the shine

Realisations remain,

Remains a wise shrine..

Carnations

white-flower-bunch
sorce:diyweddingdecorations

I would often be amazed at her love for flowers. Several of my friends would often refuse flowers because they thought it’s not fair as they had to die however. “So do we, isn’t it ?” she used to say “does that make life any less beautiful ?”

‘Unconventional’ I would call her. For her ideas and the way she lived her life.

“Hey, which one of these would you call your favourite?” looking at the thousands of flowers in the nursery, I asked.

“Carnations.”

“Why though…?” I could only wonder looking at the dullness of it compared to the light in her eyes. Why would she choose these over all the colourful and fragrant ones out there. But they were very simple and elegant in their appearance. Not convincing enough, I thought to myself.

But was that really the way she would think about it while she felt she loved it ?

It was time she would answer his question. “ Something that adds to the beauty of both the beholder and the companion, a simplicity that outshines the colours and above all the stubbornness to stay, not perish while all the beautiful ones would already have. All of us need something like this in our life, don’t we?”

How I wished I could tell her that I was here to stay, before it was too late. Stubborn? Yes, she too was. She fought it, but she could not win.

With a bunch of carnations in my hand, now when I stand in front of where she now resides, I could only think of what she used to tell me whenever we were around flowers.

“Had you known you were going to live forever there had been no beauty in life, you know it’s gonna end someday, so you live..you celebrate. It could not have been otherwise. Anything that is beautiful is often short lived Aaron and that is what is so beautiful about it.”

Had I known she is not gonna be with me even a year, let alone forever, had I not held her and squeezed her and had my eternity embraced in my arms just for a few more minutes. I imagine her holding the same flowers walking down the aisle while I would wait for her with a ring in my hand. That was my forever, and I missed it, even if not for me she deserved it.

But late, as I always was. Short-lived, what my love story was. But isn’t everything that is beautiful has always been.

Yours to be.

That day back then,
I had promised myself
that I won’t lose myself over loving someone ever again..
but each time I’d look at you
I question my decision over and over again.
I won’t fall,
I was not sure you’d be there to hold me
This day I wonder,
For how long have you been weighing it down
With your love for my pain.

You won’t stay, I thought
All I awaited was the moment you’d give up and leave..
Today it lingers
The fading memory of when u joined me in my journey
I kept walking ahead
Never wanted to turn back
Afraid u would have already left
And when I open my eyes admist the storm
I found out
You were leading my way

The flame,
It never touched me
Flowing were you like a river
The cold, it never hurt me
Burning were you when I’d shiver

All thorns in your chest
All ashes in your eyes
When I bend down to kiss your wounds
I knew I had lost mine…

Whatever the pain that was yours
Was now mine too
I didn’t care how much would it hurt
To be someone’s again
I knew there was no going back
Whether I live or I die
I didn’t know
That you’d make me fly…

the right amount of sunshine
And just a little bit of rain
It was dawn already
a sort of extinguishing flame
Your arms and a warm embrace
And I knew I was home again..