Tumhaara, mai

Dikh jaati ho agar
To bas dekh leta hun tumhe
Aankhon me apni
Samet leta hun tumhe
Waqt ki berukhi to humne bhi Jani hai
Isse pehle ki beet jaaye ye
Ahiste bas thaam leta hun tumhe

Jo lafz agar wajood kho baithein
Khamosh tumhari aankhon ko dekh kar
Har dard bas samajh leta hun mai
Bikhar jao tum toot kar
Isse pehle samet leta hun tumhe

Chalte chalte aksar thak si jati ho tum
Armaan jo ho bahon me uthane ke bhi tumhe
Muskura kar bas theher jata hun mai
Aahiste bas hath tumhara thaam kar
Aage badh jaata hun mai

Dil chahta hai ki bas qaid kar lun tumhe
Par bebasi tumhari soch kar theher jata hun mai
Naazuk jo ho tum, janta hun sakht bhi itni hi ho
Hausle tumhare dekh rashk-e-fakr ho jata hun mai

Jo hath tumhara thaam kar
Sath chalne ka waada kar chala hun mai
Khushi tumhari, pyaar ye apna
Mukammal kar chala hun mai
Udaan par tumhari mera koi haq to nahi
Isliye sath tumhare bas ud chala hun mai…

( From the Archives – 2017 )

Our demons

Our demons danced together
and it was better than heaven
Life at its best
even if it’s coloured leaden

Couldn’t have asked for anything else
than for me to be my honest self
to sleep in your arms like a baby
to be warrior for the battle that comes next

Better than the things we deliberately create
Nothing compares to the genuine love and the raw hate
For Gods to dance together in heaven is plain
Oh dear, for the demons of two people
to dance together insane

Fire all around, devoured the world sat
no passion can ever be better than that
Toxic, terrible, poisonous they said
Oh baby that’s my holy grail
for whatever it takes

He pushed me through the cliff
I fall down after
only to find him waiting
at the heaven’s alter

Intensity of death in a moment’s conscience
a thousand times over for a death so bright
Choosing you was not my choice,
losing you wasn’t either
Thankful to you I am, now that we end the plight

How did you know
that the color I was hiding was blue
until I suffered from the same pain as you
No matter where we are my fellow demon
I’ll always love you..

The ‘Queen’dom

It feels nice when a woman understands another
When a woman respects her own dignity
When she cherishes her defeats
As much as her victory
When she learns to value
Every little thing that makes her a woman

And when you do
You don’t blame the tenderness you pursue
Or the pain that is only in your part.
You know it is a privilege
That no one else could imagine
You are someone
Who has an entire world to define

Her wit slays
Entire population of people
Who while being fairly alive
Forget the reason behind their existence.

It’s not that she can’t rule
But to bring up warriors being hidden
Is her nature
Neither does God step forth
To display
His might in the dark is deeper

She takes no pleasure
In demeaning the other
Cz to look down upon someone
Is far beyond her stature

To be great is to bend
In front of the ones you love
Won are many kingdoms
At the cost of thousand lives
Built is just one
With the sacrifice of million lights

They think she is weak
She can’t rule
Poor people never realise
Movement needs fuel

The combustion of emotions and honour
Of being selfless, enormous courage and valour

Had they really understood what being a woman is..
Wouldn’t they have been one too ?

My heart recalls

Bumped upon few of your letters
Even for a moment, felt I was loved just by reading it
cz you might certainly not know but it’s pretty lonely here..
in my heart for the past few years

And frighteningly so but your love still echoes in my heart and I long for it on some days like this..nothing new about it now I’m sure..

Not written for the past few years,
my heart feels empty..
nothing ignites a spark
nothing aches my soul..
what do I write if not letters to you..
the ones you’ll never read..
the ones upon which I’ll be mocked upon to have been stuck on for so long..

What do I write?
As if the only subject of both my affection and words were you for so long..
That I have lost the will to even set my inspiration on someone or something else upon

Too long I recall, to have forgotten everything
But how do I explain that I still long for
Not just the pretty words but the ardent storms you brought in my soul
Not only the smiles and showers of laughter I have borrowed from you
But also the tears of agony you’ve lent me

Written a lot about many other things for a decade
Stuck on you was this poet
After a whirlwind of love, the story we shared..
Written none of you
But all for you
And yet here I stand
Aching to write
A little about me and the world around
And you stand there smiling
As if you are what everything surrounds..

Incomplete as I’m
Incomplete shall this poem remain..
I await you and so the poem awaits..

Ignited is just one flame
Today upon glancing at you
after ages
I wonder if the poet in me loved you more than me
Betrayed I am by you,
By her
Forgotten is love
Forgotten is the entire Avenue..

Alone sits the writer staring at the empty sky
Alone mourns the lover
With no hope in her eyes..

Baaki hai

Aata to bht kum hai
Par sab kuch seekh lene ki chahat hai
Pair zameen par hi sahi
Aasman se taare tod lane ki bagawat hai
Ek chhoti si zindagi mukhtasar hai
Mulakat mukummalaat ek hunar se honi baki hai
Jeena agar seekhna hai
To seekhne ki pyaas bht baaki hai
Seekhna agar jeena hai
To Jeene ki aas ab bhi baaki hai

Kuch rang saja lein kabhi
To kuch taar chhed lein idhar
Kabhi Nazar us chaand pe pherein
To kabhi gungharuon me taal jaayein bikhar
Suron ki samjh to nahi
Par kabhi gunguna lein ek taan ek peher

Bas lekhni hi hai
Jo har baar wapas bula leti hai
Ghar ho gayi ho jaise ye
Rangon me doob jaun
Ya jayein ghungroo bikhar
Aana laut kar wapas yahi hai
Is kalam aur kaagaz k tukde k paas
Sang roenge baith kar
Pyaar ka izhaar b yahin kar lenge
Kuch ummedein saja lenge
Kuch khwaab tod lenge

Uthenge fir kisi subah
Rango me doob jaane ko
Kisi khoobsurat taal par thirakne ko
Aur laut kar phir yahin aaenge
Mehsus kiye har jazbaat ko fir yahin sajaenge
Jo bhi seekha, jo b Jana
Kaid fir is kaagaz me kar jaenge
Hum kal rahein na rahein
Ye qaayanaat yahin is kagaz me samete chale jaenge
Ek hissa is zindagi ka
In lafzon me mukammal kiye jaenge

Kuch mai bhi zinda hun kya tujhme

Kuch mai bhi zinda hun kya tujhme
Ki tu mujhse bhulaya nahi jata
Zakhm jo hain so hain
Reh gaya hai jo pyaar
Ye ab mujhse sambhala nahi jata

Tu chala gaya ek din mujhe chhod kar
Tu Laut aaega mere paas
Ye jhoot mere dil se ab kaha nahi jata
Teri yaadon ka ye janaza
Mujhse ab uthaya nahi jata

Life isn’t beautiful

Life isn’t beautiful
It’s just darkness all around

You smile for a while
Every time its taken away
You try to be happy
Right beside there sadness lays
You hold it, you lie down
You don’t even consider getting up now
Lying down there is comfortable
Being buried down under is not frightening anymore

You trust, you’re betrayed
You love, you’re heartbroken next
You think life will change
No it won’t

The cost of being strong
Is being hurt every other time
You cry yourself to sleep at night
You bleed without a cut in plight
You get up, you fall down

You thought you were lucky
At the one thing that happened right
Lying behind are a million lies
You told yourself
Things were never so bright
It’s a mirage you’ve created
For the desert of pain won’t let you live
You’re getting closer to it
The myth is broken
The last thread of illusion
you’ve been holding on to
Is now loose
You don’t have the strength
To hold on to it anymore

To see life eye to eye
Is exhausting now
Fighting this battle
Is invain somehow
No sign of victory
No reason to win
It’s just darkness all around

The colour of your love

29th Nov 2020

I wish the colour of your love settles down..
I wish it’s a blank space again

I hope the colour of your love settles down
Cz mine is still a beautiful landscape

I will choose the red the yellow the blue..
I know the colour of my rainbow is overdue..

I hope the colour of your love settles down
I can’t erase it..

The colours have dried…it has faded away..
In a dark room
Polishing it over and over again..

I’m done and it’s dusted..
As the sun shines the next morning..
I hope the colour of your love settles down..

I don’t want someone else to come and colour it..
This time I want to choose the colours myself..

My colours, it’s my Canvas,
It’s high time…you return me my greys..
I’ll cherish the red..
And make it mine all over again..

I hope the colour of your love settles down
It’s high time that I’m myself again..

Poems and Algorithms

There’s a rush, there’s a thrill but with a certain stability and a smile, when you do what you love. I’m a writer you see…codes and poems..I write both and these two things get me, the best of me. There are no doubts, nothing illogical..pure logic, pure love. Here’s to my love for code, logic and universe. And on the other side to my love for poems, stories, flowers and literature.

While I Brew a coffee, pick my specs, open my laptop and start to code. The way it challenges me is so fulfilling. The way the entire day is gone and I don’t even realise. The thirst of my brain is somewhat quenched. The rush it was seeking subsides for a little while.

It’s evening now, it’s raining outside, I pick a book, a diary and a pen, it’s nothing like how the day went by. I come across a beautiful poem, Frost you may say..or Shakespeare, or Plath.
An emotion takes over, I’m certainly reminded of something. While I’m soaking in, in my memories..my mind is brewing words and my heart is weaving a story, a poem. And like tears fall on your cheeks, naturally and uncontrollably…I pour down all of it on those crimson pages…and hence a soul is satisfied.

If my poems are pure emotion, coding is pure logic. Two different worlds that complete my being.

I seek and fall in love with challenges and complexities every day. But emotions are what I seek equally everyday. It’s neither possible nor necessary to conquer each emotion or every challenge you face but I think feeling and facing it is what keeps being alive interesting.

Here’s to not getting enough of life, love and logic !

The meaning of life

“The existential vacuum which is the mass neurosis of the present time can be described as a private and personal form of nihilism; for nihilism can be defined as the contention that being has no meaning.”

For the world to been have so intricately designed and/or evolved over a million light years with just the right amount of everything for life to prevail, for schedules and processes to cultivate, contain and maintain life and all the related things,
It would be, in my opinion quite unfair to be called ‘meaningless’ especially when your heart is beating and you are breathing right there supported by the same design, existing  just at the centre of it !

And as supported by Victor Frankl, survivor of four concentration camps and as such that he also bears witness to the unexpected extent to which a person is capable of defying and braving even the worst conditions conceivable, it might be fair enough to say the ones who have seen life drifting away in front of their eyes will be the last people to question the meaning of life.

Not that suffering is the only meaning of life but suffering definitely is one of the major definitions of the inherent meaning of life. But then again, to live is human, to err is human and to question is human ! And so the quest to search for the meaning of life will forever continue and I guess that too in itself one of the multiple meanings of life.