Tag: author

Poems and Algorithms

There’s a rush, there’s a thrill but with a certain stability and a smile, when you do what you love. I’m a writer you see…codes and poems..I write both and these two things get me, the best of me. There are no doubts, nothing illogical..pure logic, pure love. Here’s to my love for code, logic and universe. And on the other side to my love for poems, stories, flowers and literature.

While I Brew a coffee, pick my specs, open my laptop and start to code. The way it challenges me is so fulfilling. The way the entire day is gone and I don’t even realise. The thirst of my brain is somewhat quenched. The rush it was seeking subsides for a little while.

It’s evening now, it’s raining outside, I pick a book, a diary and a pen, it’s nothing like how the day went by. I come across a beautiful poem, Frost you may say..or Shakespeare, or Plath.
An emotion takes over, I’m certainly reminded of something. While I’m soaking in, in my memories..my mind is brewing words and my heart is weaving a story, a poem. And like tears fall on your cheeks, naturally and uncontrollably…I pour down all of it on those crimson pages…and hence a soul is satisfied.

If my poems are pure emotion, coding is pure logic. Two different worlds that complete my being.

I seek and fall in love with challenges and complexities every day. But emotions are what I seek equally everyday. It’s neither possible nor necessary to conquer each emotion or every challenge you face but I think feeling and facing it is what keeps being alive interesting.

Here’s to not getting enough of life, love and logic !

The meaning of life

“The existential vacuum which is the mass neurosis of the present time can be described as a private and personal form of nihilism; for nihilism can be defined as the contention that being has no meaning.”

For the world to been have so intricately designed and/or evolved over a million light years with just the right amount of everything for life to prevail, for schedules and processes to cultivate, contain and maintain life and all the related things,
It would be, in my opinion quite unfair to be called ‘meaningless’ especially when your heart is beating and you are breathing right there supported by the same design, existing  just at the centre of it !

And as supported by Victor Frankl, survivor of four concentration camps and as such that he also bears witness to the unexpected extent to which a person is capable of defying and braving even the worst conditions conceivable, it might be fair enough to say the ones who have seen life drifting away in front of their eyes will be the last people to question the meaning of life.

Not that suffering is the only meaning of life but suffering definitely is one of the major definitions of the inherent meaning of life. But then again, to live is human, to err is human and to question is human ! And so the quest to search for the meaning of life will forever continue and I guess that too in itself one of the multiple meanings of life.

I refuse to believe

If you can move over the song
That said it feels like heaven with me
May be love is nothing but an illusion

May be we as humans surrender
Only to what’s important
And to the convenience of what we need

If a term like ‘break up’ exists
It can only mean
There is love
But no true love

It is as situational as sleep
And as instinctive as hunger

If change is the only constant
I doubt there was ever an eternal love

No matter how much I want to believe
My love is longer than my life..
And your heart will belong to me forever
I know it isn’t,

I know the need to survive
Is may be greater than all
And love, as natural as it is
As beautiful as it is
Is more of an adornation
A rhetorical metaphor

You fall in love someday,
And someone else a few years later
What is love if it cannot be fought for ?
If it’s not selfishness,
And the helplessness to survive,
That inspires companionship..
What exactly is ?
Is love actually a nature’s trick ?

It’s a timeless question a lover asks,
When being abandoned
What about all the promises you made ?
What about the moments we spent together and thought we’ll be together forever..

God forbid those vows be broken,
But if they can be,
Whether easily or in agony

Pardon do I ask,
But I doubt on the existence of love
If it thus be broken so easily
In the presence of fear
Or a blissful empathy
I refuse to believe that love exists..

If life be this complicated
And love comes so easy
Rebukes on the existence of it,
Rebukes on the irony of it..

—If an argument be,
It’s real we all can feel it.
Universal in its nature,
No one can deny it exists.

Then I might be forced to think
If we have bent love too as a concept that suits only it’s exploitation ?
Exactly what we did to all other things..—

While using everything to our advantage,
When the greed exceeds the need
I guess, the quality of everything deteriorates
And love in this case
Might be the culprit, might be the victim too..

And again as we can only question It’s existence
Like we do of God..
I guess like in tough times,
She is the only one we remember.
Even if don’t believe in it..
So we remember love,
When we are in the most need of it..

But no matter how much you are..
In anger or in agony,
And question the existence of love
Or life or the truthfulness of the person in question,
For a brief amount of time,
When you remember their name and your heart skips a beat..

No matter how much you deny,
That was love in all it’s might
You were in love inspite of all the fright
And that was all you knew love to be..

Time passes, life grows old..
You will someday run out of time..
But never of love..
And that’s what will support,
All the fallacies you refuse to believe in

Denial or acceptance
Belief or refusal..
You surrender..
And like the rain
Quenches the fiery fire,
Your questions are only the fumes that arise..

Helpless you kneal down,
Clueless you sit
And stare at it raining
May be you’ll never know if it exists or not
But you wonder..
You can only wonder…

That may be Love is not what ceases to exist,
It’s your belief that does..
And no matter how much you question
That was all you knew love to be…



The decade, that defines.

As author Meg Jay writes in her book ‘The defining decade’ that “The twenties are a time when people and personalities are poised for transformation.” I wonder why just 10 years out of an incredibly long life. Why does life has to change entirely only in one single decade ?

You’ll barely start your graduation at the beginning of the decade and come out of it as parents of another full-grown individual. How can this not be scary ?

The earlier part, the first five years are mostly all fun and games, probably the most memorable, where you are living your life at your best and the remaining five seem to be as scary. I mention ‘seem to be’ because not having experienced it yet, I’m no one to cling to and establish it as a fact.

And as much as these ten years feel like a treasure and a lottery ticket, it feels like they are slipping like sand from your hand. The more you try to hold it the more they slip out of it.

This topic, I must say will keep appearing in posts and my writings as  I explore it ahead, because this adventurous decade is beyond our control and probably thrilling too for the same reason. Because what is thrill without fear ? And what is life without an adventure ?

Carnations

white-flower-bunch
sorce:diyweddingdecorations

I would often be amazed at her love for flowers. Several of my friends would often refuse flowers because they thought it’s not fair as they had to die however. “So do we, isn’t it ?” she used to say “does that make life any less beautiful ?”

‘Unconventional’ I would call her. For her ideas and the way she lived her life.

“Hey, which one of these would you call your favourite?” looking at the thousands of flowers in the nursery, I asked.

“Carnations.”

“Why though…?” I could only wonder looking at the dullness of it compared to the light in her eyes. Why would she choose these over all the colourful and fragrant ones out there. But they were very simple and elegant in their appearance. Not convincing enough, I thought to myself.

But was that really the way she would think about it while she felt she loved it ?

It was time she would answer his question. “ Something that adds to the beauty of both the beholder and the companion, a simplicity that outshines the colours and above all the stubbornness to stay, not perish while all the beautiful ones would already have. All of us need something like this in our life, don’t we?”

How I wished I could tell her that I was here to stay, before it was too late. Stubborn? Yes, she too was. She fought it, but she could not win.

With a bunch of carnations in my hand, now when I stand in front of where she now resides, I could only think of what she used to tell me whenever we were around flowers.

“Had you known you were going to live forever there had been no beauty in life, you know it’s gonna end someday, so you live..you celebrate. It could not have been otherwise. Anything that is beautiful is often short lived Aaron and that is what is so beautiful about it.”

Had I known she is not gonna be with me even a year, let alone forever, had I not held her and squeezed her and had my eternity embraced in my arms just for a few more minutes. I imagine her holding the same flowers walking down the aisle while I would wait for her with a ring in my hand. That was my forever, and I missed it, even if not for me she deserved it.

But late, as I always was. Short-lived, what my love story was. But isn’t everything that is beautiful has always been.

The First

So this is the first content of my very first step towards realizing the very part of my existence. With no efforts to make it appear fancy or appealing, I would just go ahead and write because when you write, you leave the infinitesimal yet significant traces of yourself on the page you write. You write and you sing, you write and you dance, you write and you ‘live’. So here it is, my very first celebration of a desire and a passion I have been cherishing since a long long time.

To the new beginning !