A lonely way

It’s a lonely lonely way
To come back to your senses
And see everything for what it is
No sugarcoat
Not one world of delusion
Or even dreams for that matter
Everything clear as a crystal
I cannot decide
What breaks my heart more
To know the truth
Or to know that perhaps
The lies were better
The world I had created in my head was better
It is a welcome feeling
To come back to myself
To who I was and am
In it’s complete glory
But to see
What’s in front of me
And behind me
While I walk
Alone in the hallway
All but none
There but some
None in your pain
All in your joy
A hint of pain
And all of them disappear
They use you
Walk all over you
Pretend to care
Or care to pretend?
Was this actually the fate all along
To feel so empty in bondings
That you find a mate
And settle down
For the life’s suffering will weigh you down
Far too low
Put that fence
On someone’s neck
Rejoice and die in each other’s company
Cz no one else is too be seen

My heart recalls

Bumped upon few of your letters
Even for a moment, felt I was loved just by reading it
cz you might certainly not know but it’s pretty lonely here..
in my heart for the past few years

And frighteningly so but your love still echoes in my heart and I long for it on some days like this..nothing new about it now I’m sure..

Not written for the past few years,
my heart feels empty..
nothing ignites a spark
nothing aches my soul..
what do I write if not letters to you..
the ones you’ll never read..
the ones upon which I’ll be mocked upon to have been stuck on for so long..

What do I write?
As if the only subject of both my affection and words were you for so long..
That I have lost the will to even set my inspiration on someone or something else upon

Too long I recall, to have forgotten everything
But how do I explain that I still long for
Not just the pretty words but the ardent storms you brought in my soul
Not only the smiles and showers of laughter I have borrowed from you
But also the tears of agony you’ve lent me

Written a lot about many other things for a decade
Stuck on you was this poet
After a whirlwind of love, the story we shared..
Written none of you
But all for you
And yet here I stand
Aching to write
A little about me and the world around
And you stand there smiling
As if you are what everything surrounds..

Incomplete as I’m
Incomplete shall this poem remain..
I await you and so the poem awaits..

Ignited is just one flame
Today upon glancing at you
after ages
I wonder if the poet in me loved you more than me
Betrayed I am by you,
By her
Forgotten is love
Forgotten is the entire Avenue..

Alone sits the writer staring at the empty sky
Alone mourns the lover
With no hope in her eyes..

Kuch mai bhi zinda hun kya tujhme

Kuch mai bhi zinda hun kya tujhme
Ki tu mujhse bhulaya nahi jata
Zakhm jo hain so hain
Reh gaya hai jo pyaar
Ye ab mujhse sambhala nahi jata

Tu chala gaya ek din mujhe chhod kar
Tu Laut aaega mere paas
Ye jhoot mere dil se ab kaha nahi jata
Teri yaadon ka ye janaza
Mujhse ab uthaya nahi jata

The colour of your love

29th Nov 2020

I wish the colour of your love settles down..
I wish it’s a blank space again

I hope the colour of your love settles down
Cz mine is still a beautiful landscape

I will choose the red the yellow the blue..
I know the colour of my rainbow is overdue..

I hope the colour of your love settles down
I can’t erase it..

The colours have dried…it has faded away..
In a dark room
Polishing it over and over again..

I’m done and it’s dusted..
As the sun shines the next morning..
I hope the colour of your love settles down..

I don’t want someone else to come and colour it..
This time I want to choose the colours myself..

My colours, it’s my Canvas,
It’s high time…you return me my greys..
I’ll cherish the red..
And make it mine all over again..

I hope the colour of your love settles down
It’s high time that I’m myself again..

The silence

Tired of the chaos,

staring into the abyss
wanna run away
Somewhere, but where ?
You chase,
Chase the nothingness..
Only to be lost,
Lost in the nowhere
Nothing makes sense
But you can feel your own breath
Into the woods
Under the stars
Wrapped up in solitude..

This silence is beautiful,
This escape is meaningful.