It’s a lonely lonely way
To come back to your senses
And see everything for what it is
No sugarcoat
Not one world of delusion
Or even dreams for that matter
Everything clear as a crystal
I cannot decide
What breaks my heart more
To know the truth
Or to know that perhaps
The lies were better
The world I had created in my head was better
It is a welcome feeling
To come back to myself
To who I was and am
In it’s complete glory
But to see
What’s in front of me
And behind me
While I walk
Alone in the hallway
All but none
There but some
None in your pain
All in your joy
A hint of pain
And all of them disappear
They use you
Walk all over you
Pretend to care
Or care to pretend?
Was this actually the fate all along
To feel so empty in bondings
That you find a mate
And settle down
For the life’s suffering will weigh you down
Far too low
Put that fence
On someone’s neck
Rejoice and die in each other’s company
Cz no one else is too be seen
Tag: existence
The fall
Pain of that fall still stings
I complain
Complain to myself everyday
You could have been someone
Why are you a nobody ?
Where’s the dream
The little you saw
Where’s the castle
You build with a straw
Where’s the courage that could shake the world
Where are you
I fail to find
Where’s your sword
Where’s your armour
Why do you sit there in the corner
Refusing to see eye to eye
With what have you lost
Why don’t you respect yourself
After all the wars you have fought
Why don’t you count them as a war
Why do you run behind
The one battle you couldn’t win
And might fight someday
Once you regain your strength?
Isn’t a wounded soldier allowed some rest ?
May be the bird will fly again
She has just taken a fall
And might star trying again
But hasn’t she just found peace
She has just found her breath
Let’s wait till we find her pulse
And push her to fly again ?
Our demons
Our demons danced together
and it was better than heaven
Life at its best
even if it’s coloured leaden
Couldn’t have asked for anything else
than for me to be my honest self
to sleep in your arms like a baby
to be warrior for the battle that comes next
Better than the things we deliberately create
Nothing compares to the genuine love and the raw hate
For Gods to dance together in heaven is plain
Oh dear, for the demons of two people
to dance together insane
Fire all around, devoured the world sat
no passion can ever be better than that
Toxic, terrible, poisonous they said
Oh baby that’s my holy grail
for whatever it takes
He pushed me through the cliff
I fall down after
only to find him waiting
at the heaven’s alter
Intensity of death in a moment’s conscience
a thousand times over for a death so bright
Choosing you was not my choice,
losing you wasn’t either
Thankful to you I am, now that we end the plight
How did you know
that the color I was hiding was blue
until I suffered from the same pain as you
No matter where we are my fellow demon
I’ll always love you..
Baaki hai
Aata to bht kum hai
Par sab kuch seekh lene ki chahat hai
Pair zameen par hi sahi
Aasman se taare tod lane ki bagawat hai
Ek chhoti si zindagi mukhtasar hai
Mulakat mukummalaat ek hunar se honi baki hai
Jeena agar seekhna hai
To seekhne ki pyaas bht baaki hai
Seekhna agar jeena hai
To Jeene ki aas ab bhi baaki hai
Kuch rang saja lein kabhi
To kuch taar chhed lein idhar
Kabhi Nazar us chaand pe pherein
To kabhi gungharuon me taal jaayein bikhar
Suron ki samjh to nahi
Par kabhi gunguna lein ek taan ek peher
Bas lekhni hi hai
Jo har baar wapas bula leti hai
Ghar ho gayi ho jaise ye
Rangon me doob jaun
Ya jayein ghungroo bikhar
Aana laut kar wapas yahi hai
Is kalam aur kaagaz k tukde k paas
Sang roenge baith kar
Pyaar ka izhaar b yahin kar lenge
Kuch ummedein saja lenge
Kuch khwaab tod lenge
Uthenge fir kisi subah
Rango me doob jaane ko
Kisi khoobsurat taal par thirakne ko
Aur laut kar phir yahin aaenge
Mehsus kiye har jazbaat ko fir yahin sajaenge
Jo bhi seekha, jo b Jana
Kaid fir is kaagaz me kar jaenge
Hum kal rahein na rahein
Ye qaayanaat yahin is kagaz me samete chale jaenge
Ek hissa is zindagi ka
In lafzon me mukammal kiye jaenge
Kuch mai bhi zinda hun kya tujhme
Kuch mai bhi zinda hun kya tujhme
Ki tu mujhse bhulaya nahi jata
Zakhm jo hain so hain
Reh gaya hai jo pyaar
Ye ab mujhse sambhala nahi jata
Tu chala gaya ek din mujhe chhod kar
Tu Laut aaega mere paas
Ye jhoot mere dil se ab kaha nahi jata
Teri yaadon ka ye janaza
Mujhse ab uthaya nahi jata
Poems and Algorithms
There’s a rush, there’s a thrill but with a certain stability and a smile, when you do what you love. I’m a writer you see…codes and poems..I write both and these two things get me, the best of me. There are no doubts, nothing illogical..pure logic, pure love. Here’s to my love for code, logic and universe. And on the other side to my love for poems, stories, flowers and literature.
While I Brew a coffee, pick my specs, open my laptop and start to code. The way it challenges me is so fulfilling. The way the entire day is gone and I don’t even realise. The thirst of my brain is somewhat quenched. The rush it was seeking subsides for a little while.
It’s evening now, it’s raining outside, I pick a book, a diary and a pen, it’s nothing like how the day went by. I come across a beautiful poem, Frost you may say..or Shakespeare, or Plath.
An emotion takes over, I’m certainly reminded of something. While I’m soaking in, in my memories..my mind is brewing words and my heart is weaving a story, a poem. And like tears fall on your cheeks, naturally and uncontrollably…I pour down all of it on those crimson pages…and hence a soul is satisfied.
If my poems are pure emotion, coding is pure logic. Two different worlds that complete my being.
I seek and fall in love with challenges and complexities every day. But emotions are what I seek equally everyday. It’s neither possible nor necessary to conquer each emotion or every challenge you face but I think feeling and facing it is what keeps being alive interesting.
Here’s to not getting enough of life, love and logic !
The meaning of life
“The existential vacuum which is the mass neurosis of the present time can be described as a private and personal form of nihilism; for nihilism can be defined as the contention that being has no meaning.”
For the world to been have so intricately designed and/or evolved over a million light years with just the right amount of everything for life to prevail, for schedules and processes to cultivate, contain and maintain life and all the related things,
It would be, in my opinion quite unfair to be called ‘meaningless’ especially when your heart is beating and you are breathing right there supported by the same design, existing just at the centre of it !
And as supported by Victor Frankl, survivor of four concentration camps and as such that he also bears witness to the unexpected extent to which a person is capable of defying and braving even the worst conditions conceivable, it might be fair enough to say the ones who have seen life drifting away in front of their eyes will be the last people to question the meaning of life.
Not that suffering is the only meaning of life but suffering definitely is one of the major definitions of the inherent meaning of life. But then again, to live is human, to err is human and to question is human ! And so the quest to search for the meaning of life will forever continue and I guess that too in itself one of the multiple meanings of life.
I refuse to believe
If you can move over the song
That said it feels like heaven with me
May be love is nothing but an illusion
May be we as humans surrender
Only to what’s important
And to the convenience of what we need
If a term like ‘break up’ exists
It can only mean
There is love
But no true love
It is as situational as sleep
And as instinctive as hunger
If change is the only constant
I doubt there was ever an eternal love
No matter how much I want to believe
My love is longer than my life..
And your heart will belong to me forever
I know it isn’t,
I know the need to survive
Is may be greater than all
And love, as natural as it is
As beautiful as it is
Is more of an adornation
A rhetorical metaphor
You fall in love someday,
And someone else a few years later
What is love if it cannot be fought for ?
If it’s not selfishness,
And the helplessness to survive,
That inspires companionship..
What exactly is ?
Is love actually a nature’s trick ?
It’s a timeless question a lover asks,
When being abandoned
What about all the promises you made ?
What about the moments we spent together and thought we’ll be together forever..
God forbid those vows be broken,
But if they can be,
Whether easily or in agony
Pardon do I ask,
But I doubt on the existence of love
If it thus be broken so easily
In the presence of fear
Or a blissful empathy
I refuse to believe that love exists..
If life be this complicated
And love comes so easy
Rebukes on the existence of it,
Rebukes on the irony of it..
—If an argument be,
It’s real we all can feel it.
Universal in its nature,
No one can deny it exists.
Then I might be forced to think
If we have bent love too as a concept that suits only it’s exploitation ?
Exactly what we did to all other things..—
While using everything to our advantage,
When the greed exceeds the need
I guess, the quality of everything deteriorates
And love in this case
Might be the culprit, might be the victim too..
And again as we can only question It’s existence
Like we do of God..
I guess like in tough times,
She is the only one we remember.
Even if don’t believe in it..
So we remember love,
When we are in the most need of it..
But no matter how much you are..
In anger or in agony,
And question the existence of love
Or life or the truthfulness of the person in question,
For a brief amount of time,
When you remember their name and your heart skips a beat..
No matter how much you deny,
That was love in all it’s might
You were in love inspite of all the fright
And that was all you knew love to be..
Time passes, life grows old..
You will someday run out of time..
But never of love..
And that’s what will support,
All the fallacies you refuse to believe in
Denial or acceptance
Belief or refusal..
You surrender..
And like the rain
Quenches the fiery fire,
Your questions are only the fumes that arise..
Helpless you kneal down,
Clueless you sit
And stare at it raining
May be you’ll never know if it exists or not
But you wonder..
You can only wonder…
That may be Love is not what ceases to exist,
It’s your belief that does..
And no matter how much you question
That was all you knew love to be…
The finer taste of Life 