Tag: pain

Often the people who love fiercely function between the all and the nothings. Either they are too scared to step out the super high walls they’ve built around themselves or they look at you destroy their entire castle and still have love in their eyes.

No doubt the two situations converge but somewhere in the parallel. We don’t yet know what ‘nothing’ & ‘nothing’ are called when combined together and ‘all’ & ‘all’ are too fierce to exist in one single dimension called reality.

Rewind the frame and there were two people, their ‘all’ did converge at a point. Even so, for them, that short time together was a lifetime. It used to be cold, it used to be dark but who cares if they are amidst something so rare.

How difficult it is to wait for something to happen, without any certainty if it actually would. But she did, and who knew he would too and that it was not her but him who drove all the momentum through.

They crossed paths, he looked at her, she didn’t notice. They exchanged glances, he couldn’t blink, she moved on. One lovely evening, when she was admiring the sea, brushing through her hair, he looked at her and couldn’t stop looking at her. This time, she noticed..but before she could think about anything, he disappeared. Many such evenings passed, she would wait at the shore, he would come to the surface look at her and dive back. Something stopped him from moving towards her. She stopped herself , the shore was her limit, though she wanted to move ahead, she was helpless.

By now, they had obviously fallen in love. Does love always require an expression, does love really needs to be told to be felt, well..I don’t think such is the case. But the questions that surround your affection, eventually push you towards expression. Because you want to know, what they feel, what they think and hence you ask yourself the final question – would anything change even if they didn’t ? Certainly not ! Then it’s not a waste to be waiting..days..weeks..forever ? And finally her patience paid off.

He showed up on the shore, however said nothing. Everyday they would meet at the shore, she would giggle and he would smile..in a moreover deserted world, they were always there for each other. When they were together it was not always beautiful but peaceful, nonetheless like the rest of the world had just disappeared.   

She wanted to but never said anything, stepping into that territory, she was afraid, it would break her again. Little did she know, he too was, broken..already and rather too afraid to risk ‘her’ love in vain.

How strange, isn’t it ? The shallower the love is, you don’t even give it a second thought and the more it deepens, ‘fear’ is all you are surrounded with.

They were well aware of their differences but so down in love they never wanted to open eyes and look at what was about to be standing in front of them soon. But, who cares about promises when you are in the making of it. Time does not pass in minutes but moments when you are with your special someone in solace.

She wondered if someday, she could hold his hand and introduce him to the flowers she loved, show him the warmth her land used to hold. She wanted to give him all of the love and warmth of the world, often afraid if he would be able to bear it. She knew his strength lied in the waters, the land would weaken him..

I wonder how she never noticed, his feet on the ridge, appearing out of darkness just to meet her. He wished so bad but could not invite her, he knew she wouldn’t be able to survive within. But what is to happen, happens. That day, she moved forward like she has gathered all the strength she had, she walked and walked till the edge. To meet him ? To see him ? and oh she fell down ! Was she really so naive ? I still wonder if it happened to be a fall or she chose to drown herself, so that with him she could be.

And then it happened, the convergence. She fell down and he found her. That’s when they were actually together, for the first time. United in the deep dark sea. Cold it was, so much more than a creature fragile like her can take. But it was her choice, wasn’t it ? She didn’t belong here. He knew that, so did she. She wouldn’t care but he will have to help her leave. How he wished he could keep her with himself, all his life but you don’t destroy the things you love, right ? For as long as she lives and she smiles, how does it matter how many miles ? 

He held her hand, led her up and she would look at him, resisting to leave, questions in her eyes but he said nothing. Naive as she was, again to believe that he was leaving to be with her..in the lands or maybe find a new world together. Happier that she would be in the light again, with him on the bright sparkling sand. She would smile and pull him towards herself. But that’s not how it was meant to be.

Almost there, on the edge they were. A new life, a forever awaits, there it was the only moment she waited for. They held hands, bent ahead, he pushed her forward and fell down. She turned back and couldn’t believe what just happened. Taking silence for answers, was her punishment.

She kept bending over and calling his name, with tears in his eyes he sank deeper. He didn’t answer he disappeared again.

Alone in the warmth she stared at the sea. The sun was shining bright, the flowers were blooming high but it felt colder than it was there inside. She was finally there where she belonged, but somehow it didn’t feel right. While she waited at the edge everyday, with no other consideration in her mind. But her world had no value without him anymore but she was not made to survive in that world either.

Little did she know, he kept waiting in the depths with his horrid dark fears all night long. He would look at the sky and wonder why they couldn’t be together in one land. She stared at the ridge, trembling . Was she naive or she had just tasted betrayal ? She stood no chance to doubt her love.  The heart that brought her all the warmth , was what she left behind in the waters with him. Nothing seemed fancy, nothing beautiful, nothing felt warm, nothing she could ever believe in.

Heartbroken she sat at the edge of the water, used to call his name but he wouldn’t appear..and the days moved ahead. Everything in daylight seemed  futile.

And what about him ? Trust me, he was used to the cold, the darkness inside but now he used to miss her more in his plight, after all he had found the meaning of his life. But he was scared, scared of the same sunshine. What if he couldn’t survive the overwhelming heat that co-exists but how would he live without her light ? But what if he gave away his deep waters for the glowing light and could not find her in the dry.

What if he was left alone in the broad daylight, it would keep burning him. Everything except his girl in that world was brittle and fiery. But living without her burns more in the water so cold. Was she all that he has ever loved. But how could have he stepped out ?

The sun was on the horizon, the wind blowing fast. It was intense. The heat of the wind carried by the cold wave. She had already waited for so long, she could not spare anymore time, she thought to herself. she closed her eyes and dived, deep into the water. She slipped, she kept on falling down, couldn’t help just drown..

While he left to find her in the world where she belongs, to conquer all his fears and finally be with her. Now, that he knew she was all he has ever wanted and will ever want. She fell down and set her gravest fears aside, he stepped out to face the mighty heat.

He closed his eyes and gave up his life. She closed her eyes and set herself free. She fell down and so did he, He never came back and she is still under the deep dark sea..